Christmas is fast-approaching and ‘tis the season to be jolly. Here at Net World Sports we’re already full of festive cheer and can’t wait for the glut of games over the busy holiday period.
Our finest football experts have wracked their brains and come up with the definitive Christmas cracker of a team selected from players with the most festive-themed names. There’ll be some amazing Christmas football deals on offer over the coming weeks and we guarantee it would need a very wealthy benefactor to be able to shell out the transfer fees needed to assemble this crack unit!
So let’s start off with the man in between the sticks, the safe pair of hands who’ll make sure there are no costly dropped crosses (or presents). Veteran Irish stopper Sleigh Given was in contention, but there’s only one man for the coveted number 1 shirt, a man who looks like he’d thoroughly enjoy a sizeable festive dinner with all the trimmings, ex Liverpool keeper Pepe Reindeer.
With these safe hands in goal, there’ll be no chance of a Christmas stuffing!
Moving onto our backline and we’ve gone for three solid English stoppers to keep things tight. Seeing off tough competition from Zat (Silent) Knight and Sleighton Baines, we’ve opted for a Scrooge-esque North London combination of Spurs legend Three Ledley Kings and Arsenal stalwart Mistle-Tony Adams, backed up by everyone’s festive favourite treat John Terry’s Chocolate Orange.
Into midfield, we’re combining blinding pace down the wings, with a central pairing who’ll cover the ground just like the 8 reindeer entrusted with pulling Santa’s sleigh.
You can’t celebrate Christmas without little baby Jesus, so we’ve got the angelic Man City man Jesus Navas bombing down the right, with a legend from the red side of Manchester on the opposite flank – who doesn’t enjoy tucking into Ryan Giggs in Blankets come lunchtime?! Our dynamic central pair is made up of Frankincense Lampard and the diminutive Fabian D-elf.
We’d back Frankincense Lampard to sniff out a few goals from midfield
And so who are the shining stars at the top of our tree who we’re relying on to grab the Christmas goals? Former Manchester United and Real Madrid marksman Ruud-olph Van Nistelrooy definitely has a (red) nose for goals, while we’ll partner him with Roma’s former Man City target man Edin Dzeko-rations.
No festive squad could possibly be complete without the main man in the red suit – there were shouts for Santa Cazorla to control midfield or Bacary Santa to shore up the defence, but we’ve opted for reliable Roque Santa Cruz to lead our frontline.
Altogether now: “You better watch out, you better not cry
You’d better not pout, I’m telling you why, Santa Cruz is coming to town!”
And which merry manager could we possibly put in charge of such a fantastic XI? Father Klopp-mas and Ruud-olph Gullit were interviewed for the coveted role, but we’re after a proven winner to get this all-star squad up to scratch.
So taking his place in the Net World Sports dugout is our gaffer, the one and only Ho Ho Ho-se Mourinho!
We’d imagine the ‘Special One’ might prefer to adopt a Christmas Tree formation rather than our ultra-attacking 3-4-3, so here are a few festive super-subs he could throw into the action: Sleigh Given, Angel Di Maria, the Dennis Wise Men, Ryan Baubel, Zat (Silent) Knight, Andy Christmas Carroll, Claus Jensen, Paul M-Ince Pies, Dirk Sprout, Saint Nikolas Bendtner, Noel Hunt.
One man who ruled himself out of selection as he even hates the thought of Christmas is former Newcastle and Chelsea striker Demba Ba Humbug!
So there we have it, a pretty formidable line-up if we don’t say ourselves… But who have we missed out? We’d love to hear your choices for our Christmas Crackers XI. Or what about other festive sounding sporting stars? From the NBA world Zach Randolph The Red Nose Reindeer or cricket’s Jacques Rudolph?
By: Andrew Griffiths